Dating Therapy in Oakland
You deserve support on the road to love.
Does dating feel like an anxiety-ridden chore?
It’s a weeknight after work, and you’re freshening up before a date. But you wish you could be watching your favorite show at home right now. You’re in the middle of a well-known cycle: swiping on the apps, back-and-forth messaging, and setting up dates. Going over details with friends. Meeting up again. Then, within the first few dates, somebody ghosts or says it’s not a match.
If they call it off, you suspect it’s because you’re not enough in some essential category: interesting, attractive, smart, stable, funny, etc. It feels terrible when you land in this head space. But you want to find love, so you pick yourself up and keep on going.
Throughout this cycle, your mind is a 24 hour humming worry machine. Ahead of the next date, you wonder: “Will they like me? What if I say something stupid? What if I attract the wrong person?”
You’re used to riding the roller coaster of excitement, anxiety, hope, disappointment, recovery, and trying again. But you’re tired of it and tired of being single. You go to friends’ weddings and, of course, you’re happy for them. And in the back of your mind, you think: “is it ever gonna happen for me?”
Or perhaps, all these concerns have you unplugged from dating all together and watching from the sidelines. Ultimately, you want to find a way to overcome the fears, inner pressure, and avoidance, and to give yourself the chance to be in a loving relationship.
When you zoom out, you see how much your current experience of dating affects you:
Day to day
You don’t like how glued you feel to your phone as a result of surfing the apps. Furthermore, you don’t want to feel like a product on Amazon or look at other people that way.
Overthinking your next text response and getting lost in future-fantasy make it hard to be present and relaxed.
The dating process has you questioning if you can keep it up when it can feel like such an energy drain-–energy you’d much rather give to other things in your life.
Big picture
You’ve often heard: “you have to love yourself before you can love someone else.” It makes sense, but it’s also kind of a vague mandate. You feel like you’re doing something wrong every time you get lost in self-criticism. And you want to learn how to love yourself beyond the occasional bubble bath and yoga class.
You know you’re not defined by your relationship status. You’re not waiting for another person to make you complete. You’ve got a good life with loved ones, interests, and work, but it’s difficult to fully enjoy it when there’s this big missing piece.
How dating therapy works
What if you could feel more at ease and empowered in dating?
I’m here to tell you that you can.
I’m also someone who gets that the dating landscape is more complicated than it’s ever been.
When you come to therapy, you can feel understood, process your experiences, and decide how you want to participate in it.
It’s very common to find connections between your early life or previous relationships and the feelings, beliefs, and obstacles you encounter in dating. When you talk about what’s going on for you week to week, we may discover clues of what’s asking for attention and inner resolution from the past. And if you’re ready for that, I can guide you.
We can relieve and help the parts of yourself holding self-criticism, doubt, exhaustion, or any other struggle with dating (using Internal Family Systems parts work). We’ll develop strategies to soothe and work with the anxiety that’s getting in your way.
You’ll learn how to return to your center when you feel spun out and treat your inner world with care. And together, we’ll explore how you can restore true joy in your life, alongside and even inside the dating process.
Above all, I promise to bring a spirit of compassion, curiosity and collaboration to any aspect of dating you want to address through therapy.
You won’t have to tackle it on your own anymore.
Dating therapy can help you:
Reconnect to your innate worthiness and embrace your strengths.
Feel more secure and confident in yourself, both in and out of dating situations.
Recognize and break unhealthy dating patterns.
Trust in your own judgment as you make decisions about your love life.
Gain clarity on what you most want & need in a partner.
Experience more ease and fun in the process.
Explore the world of dating with renewed
energy, trust, and self-confidence.
FAQ
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There are some important distinctions when it comes to background, approach, and focus. A dating counselor is a mental health professional with training in psychology, relationship dynamics, and emotional well-being. Dating counselors often use evidence-based therapeutic techniques to help people address deeper emotional and mental health concerns that affect their dating life (such as anxiety, attachment issues, self-esteem, past trauma, or relationship patterns). Counseling is more reflective and sometimes longer-term.
A dating coach will typically concentrate on practical strategies to improve dating experiences rather than deep psychological work. Some coaches have certifications, and others might draw on personal experience or informal training. Dating coaches use a more action-oriented approach. They may offer hands-on guidance on things like communication skills or refining online profiles. The focus is often on external behaviors rather than internal emotional healing.
Both roles can be valuable in the dating process. The one that’s best for you will depend on your particular needs. -
If you're new to dating or haven’t dated in a long time, dating therapy can help. It's completely normal to feel uncertain or anxious about getting back into it. Therapy allows you to rebuild your confidence by addressing any fears or insecurities you may have about dating. It provides a safe space to talk and work through what makes you nervous. It’s a place to develop healthy expectations, communication skills, process past experiences, and clarify what you want from a relationship.
In therapy, you'll have personalized support tailored to your specific dating challenges, that will help you feel more prepared, grounded, and excited about the process of meeting new people, whether you're brand new to dating or just getting back out there.
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Here are a few signs that dating therapy could be helpful for you:
Overthinking or feeling paralyzed by dating decisions: if you find yourself constantly overanalyzing what to say or do.
Struggling with low self-esteem or self-doubt: if you feel insecure about yourself or constantly worry that you’re not “good enough” for a relationship.
Experiencing the same problems in relationships: if you find yourself stuck in a pattern of getting into unhealthy relationships or repeating the same mistakes.
You’ve been hurt by past relationships: if a past breakup or difficult relationship is making it hard to trust or open up to someone new.
Struggling with communication or boundaries: if you find it difficult to express your needs, set boundaries, or communicate effectively in dating situations.
Fearing vulnerability or commitment: if opening up or getting close to someone feels intimidating or overwhelming.
Wanting to feel more in control of your dating life:if you want to take a proactive approach to dating and feel more empowered when it comes to dating.